I'm a filthy hypocrite.

I say all these things, to trick my friends, who cares.

I say all these things, to trick myself.

But the fact of the matter is?

I still think of you, all the time.

I still steal glances at you, whenever I can.

Ahh, the glances. The only thing keeping me from skipping every class there is.

This is what we have become

I don't know what time it is. Nor do I know where am I.

All I know is this place is filled with bright lights.

And at the other side of the room, you.

You looked like how I've always known you, messy, unkempt, but as beautiful as anything I've ever seen.

You were staring intently somewhere else.

I've always loved the way you look when you're thinking about something.

But then again, I always loved everything there is about you.

And there we were, you there, playing the role of the object of affection, the moon for the owl.

And I here, the aforementioned owl, the boy who can never muster up the strength, to actually look you in your eyes anymore.

Cause I can't stand how this hurts,

Cause I can't stand this sinking feeling,

Cause I can't stand how you always manage to melt me and my coldest act, just by being there.

And now, I'm staring at you, with this incomprehensible mix of hatred, heartbreak, and above all, love.

This is what we have become, and I hope you're happy.

Shadows Shadows

The other day, Amir said this to me.

"Aku rasa, sooner or later, kau akan dapat cari girlfriend. No, sooner. Sebab aku boleh nampak yang kau dah tak dibayangi oleh *** sangat dah sekarang."

I guess I'm getting better at hiding it now.

You would never understand.

Sometimes, I just can't understand people. Scratch that, and make it all the time.

They have the hardest time to understand simple things.

They never get it. They never understand, that one thing for you, might mean an entirely different thing for other people.

They never understand, that Humans aren't the same.

So, next time you say something, think.

Think of how the words may be perceived.

Think of how many million ways it can hurt other people.

Cause you never know, whose heart you may be breaking.

Whose dreams you're shattering.

Whose soul you're tearing apart.

You may not understand, but lets have a heart, aite?

A case of trying too hard, perhaps?

I don't know since when, but I can't never seem to write anymore. Long were the days, that I can just pour my heart on paper, without so much of a thought. I just can't anymore. Its not that I have nothing to say, I have plenty of things to say. Nor it is that life has been uneventful, it has been a roller coaster. And when you're surrounded by people who can make words dance on their palms, it's depressing.

I miss the days when I could just write out my heart lines on pages, its been too long since I wrote anything, that's worth reading.

Maybe, I've been trying too hard to please other people, and tried too hard to write in a style that I'm never familiar with.

Maybe, I'm too used to write to ease my heart pains and sadness, when I'm in a state of content happiness, I can't seem to put my thoughts into words.

But, perhaps, just perhaps, I'm missing my muse.

I miss my muse.

For what it's worth

Idk why, but this semester break has been very strange indeed. Stuff has been happening, and I just can't put a finger on it.

I'm scared.

Another attempt at trying to blog.

Some people, are damn persistent.