Running away was never an option

I know, I should walk away.
But its damn hard to walk away from someone, who you think holds the key for your happiness.

1 Month In.

When 2011 started, I made a promise to myself, that this is gonna be a happy year.

No more acting like Edward Cullen, brooding around everywhere.

Now, its one month into 2011, and the verdict is?

Honestly, It kind of is. I'm definitely happier this year, I'm not perpetually hurt anymore.

Thanks for the great start 2o11.

No more neglect.

Dear blog. I haven't been writing much now, has I?

Sorry for neglecting you, its just that there has never been an urge to write nowadays.

But, no more. From now on, I'm gonna write here regularly! At least once a week!

Go on,

Go on, leave me.

Leave me here hanging, cause in your mind, perhaps I don't deserve an explanation.

Leave me here, cause you know, you can come back whenever, and I'll still be here waiting on you.

We both know that's true.

I'm a filthy hypocrite.

I say all these things, to trick my friends, who cares.

I say all these things, to trick myself.

But the fact of the matter is?

I still think of you, all the time.

I still steal glances at you, whenever I can.

Ahh, the glances. The only thing keeping me from skipping every class there is.

This is what we have become

I don't know what time it is. Nor do I know where am I.

All I know is this place is filled with bright lights.

And at the other side of the room, you.

You looked like how I've always known you, messy, unkempt, but as beautiful as anything I've ever seen.

You were staring intently somewhere else.

I've always loved the way you look when you're thinking about something.

But then again, I always loved everything there is about you.

And there we were, you there, playing the role of the object of affection, the moon for the owl.

And I here, the aforementioned owl, the boy who can never muster up the strength, to actually look you in your eyes anymore.

Cause I can't stand how this hurts,

Cause I can't stand this sinking feeling,

Cause I can't stand how you always manage to melt me and my coldest act, just by being there.

And now, I'm staring at you, with this incomprehensible mix of hatred, heartbreak, and above all, love.

This is what we have become, and I hope you're happy.

Shadows Shadows

The other day, Amir said this to me.

"Aku rasa, sooner or later, kau akan dapat cari girlfriend. No, sooner. Sebab aku boleh nampak yang kau dah tak dibayangi oleh *** sangat dah sekarang."

I guess I'm getting better at hiding it now.